Pero tama rin naman siya e.
"eto pre, advise ko lang sayu. huwag kang humabol sa lalake. pangit kasi yun."
Naisip ko tuloy... kung hindi ako hahabol, hihintayin ko silang humabol.
At kung maghihintay lang ako, walang mangyayari sa akin.
Bakit ko nasabi yan?
Kasi naghintay na ako e.
Hindi ko alam talaga...
Kanina, nag-bombard ako ng quote sa buong address book ko sa cellphone, expecting na sana mag-reply siya or what. Pero ayun, busy siguro siya sa pagsi-swimming. Hehe. Mukhang shokoy kasi.
Kaya ayun...
WAAA. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko. Ang dami ko pang pwedeng gawin sa buhay ko, at marami nga jan. Pero, kakaiba kasi siya e...........
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Na-TO siguro siya kasi nalaman niyang networker ako. Anu ba? It's something I'm proud of, and now, it's something he despises. Tapos panay banggit pa siya na wala siyang pera. Ewan.
Hayayayay.
I want to fall, pero ayan na, inaayos ko nanaman ang pagtayo sa wall.
//
PS: I want to feel everyday... that I am running for my life, not for my lunch.
To fall in love, I have to break walls.
To break walls, I must be punched first by someone, before telling me that I have a dirt on my face.
//
grabe tong pelikulang to. I-N-T-E-N-S-E!!!
isa na to sa pinaka-dark na pelikulang napanood ko ever.
una pinanood ko yung movie na Spun. ok yung mga camera techniques, dinirect ni jonas akerlund, sikat na music video director. tas sinabi nga na di naman orig yung pagkakagawa niya kasi more or less nagawa na yun sa requiem at mas maganda pa nga. kaya pinanood ko tong requiem. di ko inakala na ganun pala yun.
yung 2 movies na yan revolve around the subject of drugs: heroin, metamphetamine, etc at kung gano nga ka-devastating ang effect sa buhay ng tao.
pero tama nga, mas grabe yung requiem...
advise ko lang kayo, wag niyo yang papanoorin pag medyo depressed kayo o lutang sa buhay. haha.
kundi baka madala pa kayo. sabi nga, this is probably the single, most depressing movie you will see in your life!
sobrang daaaarrk! as in!
pero maganda!!! awang-awa ako sa mga characters. kung pwede lang na ibahin mo yung fate nila, na mas ok naman, pero hindi eh.
basta, watch it! i highly recommend it despite its morose theme. and remember, don't ever, EVER, do drugs!
Dr. Ortill
Ganyan talaga kapag naka-anesthesia, nakakaramdam pero, hindi masakit.
And I was there, assisting in her lumpectomy, looking at bloody flesh, and inhaling the smoke from her cautery while my elbows were complaining from retracting, wishing that someone could inject me with just a vial of Lidocaine. Not from the physical pain but from the pointy feeling inside.
How avoidant.
----
It's been 23 days in my rotation, and FINALLY I had been able to assist at a major o.r....an Appendectomy. I can still remember how it is done. I insisted on scrubbing in on this one, just to see their technique. Pretty cool. I wish I could do one.
---
Can this be?
Our radiologists can't explain it. And my groupmate says, the child was not held by anyone while the x-ray was taken. Even so, it would not form a hand.. but will show the bones. (scary music here.)
Music :: Chasing Pavements- Adele
Book :: Case Files- Surgery
Mood :: depressed
Nothing makes a day faster than looking forward to something. And today, what put me through the first half of my day was the fact that me and my friends went out tonight.
This get together was for Joie. To cheer her up from her recent breakup after a 5 year relationship. We (Andrea, Andrew, King, Neli, Joie and I) met up at Rob and had dinner at Don Henrico's, remembering our clerkship experiences. That was the time when we were still students, and from there started comparing our internships at different hospitals. We had a hearty meal, and I felt at home, reconnecting with those I shared a wonderful 4 years of medicine proper with.
After that, we walked to a Karaoke Bar where we sang a mix of vengeful and sentimental songs for Joie. Some, for me. For them, too. I was tipsy and having so much fun, fun, fun, when..
He texted. He says he wants to die. He says I hurt him too much.
It's not the first time he's said that. He does it when I don't text or answer his calls or when I tell him that I don't feel the same. But now, I don't even know what I've done. I was always upfront and honest. And I did try to like him. I tried so hard, that I even DID like him. And he even thought I loved him back already. But it's not enough..
Because I knew the difference when I fell for somebody (who betrayed me instead). Argh. I am being played and twisted by fate.
It's good that work takes so much out of my mind. The brain can only do one thing at a time, and it helps to keep focus on what's in front. In a few hours time, I'll be on track a 32 hour tour of duty, mending other people's bodies when I am so...broken inside.
Music :: Aerosmith - U2
Book :: Surgery Case Files - Toy and Liu
Mood :: troubled and sleepy and wishful
Mahilig siya kumain. Naiisip ko talaga, sayang, gustong gusto ko sabayan ang appetite niya. Pero hindi ko na talaga kaya. Napipilitan lang ako talagang ubusin. Namaaaan. Naiinis ako. Ayoko mag paka-petite na kakaunti lang ang appetite. Gusto ko makipag sabayan sa kanya. Para hindi siya nahihiyang sabihin na, nagugutom siya.
Mahilig siya kumain. Grabe yun lamon ng popcorn niya kanina. Grabe rin, nilamon niya yun popcorn ko kanina. E kung binigay ko rin sa kanya yun bibingka at yun yum burger ko, baka napa busog pa siya. Grabe.
Gusto ko tuloy matuto mag luto. Baka sakaling magawa ko nga yun, a way to his heart.
Nakana. May ganun banat.
Pero like ko pa lang naman siya. Wala pang yun malulupet na fireworks. Gustong gusto ko yun ugali niyang adventurous. Nakaka-excite makisama sa taong ready mag travel. Ang saken naman kasi, gusto ko gawin rin yun, kaso yun oras at pera, kapos. Kung meron man, wala akong kasama. Although, mas naeenjoy ko nga naman yun nag-iisa ako pag naglalakbay, pero mas nakakatuwa pag may kasama. Hindi mo man lang feel na dumadaan na ang araw.
Gusto ko magkaroon ako ng saktong time at pera, para maki-join sa mga adventures niya. At least, alam ko na siya, mahilig sa travel. Baka mameet ko pa yun mga friends niya na mahilig rin sa adventures.
Hindi ko talaga pwede ipilit ang sarili ko na mag-fall.
Kanina nagwonder ako kung bakit yun ibang tao, ang bilis na mainlab o kundi man, magustuhan kaagad yun tao. Kung ako yun dati ngayun, masasagot ko yan. Pero ngayun, hindi ko na maintindihan kung bakit ang bilis magfall sa tao. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung kelan mafafall. Anu bang signs na nafafall ka na? As in yun hindi sapilitan ha. As in yun biglaan na lang. Tas pag pinag-accumulate mo, magugulat ka na lang nafafall ka na.
Mag-uumpisa ako.
1. hindi na masyado nag-iisip. sa sobrang inlab, wala ng care sa logical reasoning.
so. hindi pa nga ako inlab.
Eto pa isang tanong. Kelan mo malalaman na pinipiglan mo ang sarili mo na mahulog dahil alam mong pahulog kana, sa pinipilit mo ang sarili na mahulog dahil alam mong wala talaga?
rhetorical questions do not need answers.
//